I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
