Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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