Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
