If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
