it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
