Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
