Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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