It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
