how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The power of my boobs compel you
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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