I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
