so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
