i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
