whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
