you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
