That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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