i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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