people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
