please come you make the beer taste better
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
