Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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