My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
How does one acquire holy water?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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