also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize