ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
