it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize