The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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