I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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