i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
false alarm, still single
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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