its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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