I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
