I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
