I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
