So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
