She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
