You can't special order awesome
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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