I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
