I got chris browned last night
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
