Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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