i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
In America we eat man semen.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
