Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
