It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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