tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
