I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
