somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Even my vagina gasped.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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