I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
