we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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