I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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