There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Just high enough for therapy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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