next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
