when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize