He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
