I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
