I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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