It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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