a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
