I have demons in me.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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