All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
