i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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