You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This is classic penis vs brain.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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