I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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