Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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