when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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