I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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