My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize