Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
