I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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