they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
