All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
