News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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