I'm gonna have a badass scar
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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