I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
