the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
