What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
