I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Bring me that man meat
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
